I’ve noticed that it is usually in my time of weakness that I tend to focus more on God. It is not that I have forgotten the Lord in my time of plenty it’s just that when I am weak you seem so much more closer. So I ask “Why is this so, Lord?”
As I ask, I hear His response. It only appears this way because in your time of weakness you are looking out for me more. You depend on me more, you seek for me more and you listen for me more. You see my child this is how it’s suppose to be all the time, not just in your time of weakness. Don’t let the cares of this world bog you down. Turn your cup up towards me so that it can be filled.
My Child it is me… that you need in both times of strength and weakness both plenty and need. I hold you and walk beside you. When it gets too hard I am the one who picks you up and carries you. So I am with you when you are on the mountain top and even when you find yourself in the valley.
- It is me… that brings healing to your dry bones and causes them to come to life again.
- It is me… that brings you a drink in the wilderness to quench your thirsty soul.
- It is me… who sheds light into every dark area in your life.
- It is me… who sees every tear drop, gives you a shoulder and wipes each tear dry.
- It is me… who hears you in the still of the night.
- It is me… who senses your darkest fear.
- It is me… who is with you until the end.
- It is me… who has shaped and formed you and made you so wonderfully complex.
- It is me… I know how many hairs you have on your head.
- It is me… I know every beat of your heart.
- It is me… who accepts you and loves you without condition.
- It is me… I ask you to come just as you are.
- It is me… wont you just go ahead and take my hand.
It is me with you through it all.
It’s me! Won’t you take me at my Word and see.
It has always been Me, your loving Father, Come and Drink from my well that never runs dry.
So on November 14, I went to Haiti for 12 days. I was beside myself in how all of this came about. Way back in July it was just an idea, a thought that I was not willing to entertain. It all started with a walk in the atrium at The Bridge a church in Markham. They were holding information booths after each service of all the different areas in which you could volunteer in. As I walked by the missions table something spoke to me, but I was not willing to stop or even take heed. You see I had already made up in my mind that I didn’t want to go on a missions trip to Haiti. I didn’t want to seem disobedient so I told myself that I would seek God in prayer to determine if this is what He really wanted for me. On the inside I was really hoping to hear a “No”, but of course I got the opposite answer. About a week or so into my seeking I started some questions. I got introduced to someone who had gone to Haiti previously. At this point I still couldn’t admit to myself or others that I was going to Haiti. I still had not fully accepted what I heard and would still say that it was something that I was praying about.
One day while I was speaking to someone about the possibility of taking a trip this word was gently spoken to me “I have already given you the answer.” You see the response was still something that I didn’t want to hear. It was way to far out of my comfort zone but there was still this peace in the response that I heard. It wasn’t until then that I proceeded to tell the Lord Yes. You see with the Yes came but Lord I can’t go on this trip because I can not afford it. You know what He said? He said that all I had to do was ‘Just ask’. I thought to myself there is absolutely NO way I could ask anybody for money or even to help. What I would do is figure things out on my own. I was always used to finding my own way. I began to think of ways in which I could come up with the money that I needed. I didn’t really trust in the Lord to provide for me. I did not think that this time would be any different. You see this time would for sure be different the Lord was asking me to trust in Him so that I could see Him provide for me. I desperately wanted this but didn’t know how to go about it. In the past I would ask Him to provide and then proceed to work it out on my own. I knew that would not be the case this time. Once again being pulled out of my comfort zone. I took the plunge and asked for help. The response was mind-blowing. I didn’t always get a yes and that was alright. This experience has proven to be most humbling for me. I can now see why He wanted me to ask. Months before…… He brought me to Haiti and now He was showing me the way that He would provide for me and believe me that’s just what He did. The first response blew me away. It wasn’t always easy asking but knew it’s what I had to do. Another form of asking I did was start a GoFundMe page. I also sent out text and emails to family members and friends. I even went as far as posting on social media as well. Sometimes I would begin to worry or try to figure out a way myself and then was quickly reminded that it was Him that would be providing. There was NO need to figure this one out. You see that is what I was use to. Asking God for help and then not giving Him a chance. I would lay it down before Him and then pick it back up again. He was showing me a better way. It was about me seeing Him work in my life in this area. Soon I was not only praying for provision but for the hearts of those that would be willing to support me on this journey. Needless to say God worked it out that my trip was paid for. I am beside myself. My trust in Him is strengthened because of this.
I am so glad that I went on this trip and I look forward to sharing the experience that I had and how God moved while I were there.
“Gather and Group”
I’ve been involved in a life-group for more than 2 years now. In the beginning it was hard. I didn’t know the people. To be honest, I found being around new people quite intimidating. Having major trust issues. For most of the first year I was very guarded. I was afraid of being hurt and known.
Towards the end of year one is when I began to open up more. So within year two I was learning much more about myself within this group settting. I was able to do do this because my life-group members were very transparent, which was refreshing to me. They showed me that being yourself was just ok. There was no need for pretense. They showed me no judgement, and because of their love and acceptance I was able to open up even more. I was becoming a new person. I was being changed because of my groups openness, honesty, trust and transparency.
Within that second year I found myself wanting more. More of the community and love that they had shown me within the first year. I wanted to be a part of their life and share in the joys and pains that they experienced. I wasn’t sure how this would be done but this was where I wanted to do.
One day I saw a blog post called “Row Out Wednesdays”. That is when I decided to become more intentional with my relationships within and outside of this group. It meant that I would have reach out. It meant that I would allow myself to be more vulnerable. It meant that the level of intimacy would have to be deeper. It meant that I would have to trust Jesus more than I ever have before.
This is what Jesus wants for us. To want to know him more and have a deeper relationship with Him. We thrive better within community than on our own. Our community can be a church group, family, friends or a group where you share the share the same likings with someone.
I know this will not be easy for me but I look forward to connecting with my life-group and others on a different level.
Lately I’ve been in a funk in regards to my health but sometimes it takes having a conversation with a friend to put a spin on what you are going through and show your perspective in the grand scheme of things.
I have shared with you about my stomach issues, which I am still battling. The severity of it is not as bad. I have seen a gastroenterologist blood work was done and for now I am doing a food journal. So I just write down all I eat, how I am feeling and my bowel movements. I go back to see him on October 12. He has also recommend doing a scope of my stomach. I told him I would think about it. Truth is I don’t want to have surgery again.
So from about the middle of August I have been suffering from heel spurs and plantar Fasciitis. Damn it was painful. I was seeing a Chiropractor, doing laser therapy 3 times a week. Doing the stretches, exercises and putting ice on it 2-3 times a day. I was upset and all I could see was that I couldn’t do my walking anymore. What I didn’t see was all the others things that I could do. At one point I didn’t think I would see the end. Today I can gladly say that I am walking without a limp. I go the chiropractor/Laser Therapy weekly. I am also doing gentle yoga and more body stretches.
So then last week Saturday I am at a birthday party, trying not to walk around too much because my foot still hurts a little. Later that night the back of my neck starts to hurt. When I put my hand on my neck I feel a bump, at this point it is about the size of a medium sized grape. It hurts to touch it. This concerns me. So I speak to my aunt. You see she is a nurse. She says it looks like a hair bump but doesn’t like the fact that it is hurting me. She says I should see a doctor. What you don’t know is that a bump has been on the back of my neck for a couple months. Since it wasn’t bothering me before I just left it alone. Then all of a sudden it’s this big thing that is causing me pain. On Monday afternoon I go to a walk-in-clinic and see a doctor. He looks at it, feels it and says it’s a cyst. He gave me a script for antibiotics. Says to take it for 7 days and then follow-up with my family doctor. This will happen on Monday.
So as you can see I’m not in the best place with my health or should I say my body. I am not sad, but I do know that I do not want to go into the hospital for surgery. It would not be my first time for I have been to the hospital multiple times for different surgeries. I have had a bowel reconstruction surgery, partial hysterectomy, a dermoid cyst removed, plus the countless other ovarian cyst that have been removed. I have also had a ganglion cyst removed. I have had an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage where a D&C had to be performed. I am not saying all of this to make you feel sorry for me. You see what my girlfriend did say is that you have been through all of that and your still smiling. You had surgeries and you healed. Even though you foot was hurting at the party you walked around with a smile on your face. You are still living. Then she provided me with a scenario of someone with cancer who has had a mastectomy, a breast implant and for them to learn that they have cancer again. Even though I am scared about having another surgery or even being in the hospital I will OK. I will go through the pain but will heal and be back on my feet again.
I am thankful that we spoke. Still unsure of what will happen but peace surrounds me, for this too shall pass. In this I can still move, use my limbs, most of all worship God. That will never cease. I don’t know what my future holds but I do know who holds my future. That alone is settling.