Faith, Life, Music

Mercy Me – Even If

 

As I find myself in a dark place and struggling with physical pain this songs brings me to a place of surrender and peace that It is well.

Take a listen, and read the lyrics.
They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now, right now I’m losing bad
I’ve stood on this stage night after night
Reminding the broken it’ll be alright
But right now, oh right now I just can’t
It’s easy to sing
When there’s nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I’m held to the flame
Like I am right now
I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul
I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
You’ve been faithful, You’ve been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You’re able
I know You can
I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul
Faith, health, Life, Wellness

Let’s Go into 2018 Without Fear

 

I use to make New Years resoultions, in hopes I would keep them but it really didn’t work for me. Instead of making resolutions now, I have one word that carries me through the year. This Word encompasses the whole person (spirit, soul and body) and from there I set small goals.

I awake and the year plays in my mind. What I should have done, who I should have spoken the truth to. Today I am bombarded with that. I want to walkout of 2017 unafraid. Letting go of old feelings, being honest with what I feel.

Earlier this year I was told to set aside time to write, away from home and on a particular day.  I had it all worked out in my head, but it never really materialized. The fear of  the unknown, failure and not being good enough held me back. As I look into 2018 I don’t want fear to hold me back.

I am ready to move forward. I’m excited about 2018 and what it has in store, not only for me but the people around me. I want to open myself up more to love, trust and being who The Creator intended me to be.

I know that there are still many issues that I have to work through but I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not saying it will be easy.  What I am saying is each issue that I have to walk through will allow me to learn more about myself.

It has taken me years to get to a place where I like who I am. Where the mask that I have been wearing are slowing being peeled away. My dragons are being slayed one by one. I am no longer trying to be like anyone else but just trying to be my true authentic self and the only way that can be done is by spending time with the one who created me. Who formed me in my mother’s womb and knows how many hairs I have on my head. This is something I take pleasure in and smile knowing that my heavenly Father loves me.

I’m excited about walking closer with the Lord, my marriage and what God has in store for us. The relationships with my friends and the new friendships that are yet to happen. I’m finally also ready to make time for my writing. I have a story and so do many others.  I’m going to be brave in 2018 and let my story be heard. My hope is that others will be brave with there own stories as well.

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Good Bye 2017
Diet, Faith, Life, Wellness

My Current Health Situation

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Lately I’ve been in a funk in regards to my health but sometimes it takes having a conversation with a friend to put a spin on what you are going through and show your perspective in the grand scheme of things.

I have shared with you about my stomach issues, which I am still battling. The severity of it is not as bad. I have seen a gastroenterologist blood work was done and for now I am doing a food journal. So I just write down all I eat, how I am feeling and my bowel movements. I go back to see him on October 12. He has also recommend doing a scope of my stomach. I told him I would think about it. Truth is I don’t want to have surgery again.

So from about the middle of August I have been suffering from heel spurs and plantar Fasciitis. Damn it was painful. I was seeing a Chiropractor, doing laser therapy 3 times a week. Doing the stretches, exercises and putting ice on it 2-3 times a day. I was upset and all I could see was that I couldn’t do my walking anymore. What I didn’t see was all the others things that I could do. At one point I didn’t think I would see the end. Today I can gladly say that I am walking without a limp. I go the chiropractor/Laser Therapy weekly. I am also doing gentle yoga and more body stretches.

So then last week Saturday I am at a birthday party, trying not to walk around too much because my foot still hurts a little. Later that night the back of my neck starts to hurt. When I put my hand on my neck I feel a bump, at this point it is about the size of a medium sized grape. It hurts to touch it. This concerns me. So I speak to my aunt. You see she is a nurse. She says it looks like a hair bump but doesn’t like the fact that it is hurting me. She says I should see a doctor. What you don’t know is that a bump has been on the back of my neck for a couple months. Since it wasn’t bothering me before I just left it alone. Then all of a sudden it’s this big thing that is causing me pain. On Monday afternoon I go to a walk-in-clinic and see a doctor. He looks at it, feels it and says it’s a cyst. He gave me a script for antibiotics. Says to take it for 7 days and then follow-up with my family doctor. This will happen on Monday.

So as you can see I’m not in the best place with my health or should I say my body. I am not sad, but I do know that I do not want to go into the hospital for surgery. It would not be my first time for I have been to the hospital multiple times for different surgeries. I have had a bowel reconstruction surgery, partial hysterectomy, a dermoid cyst removed, plus the countless other ovarian cyst that have been removed. I have also had a ganglion cyst removed. I have had an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage where a D&C had to be performed. I am not saying all of this to make you feel sorry for me. You see what my girlfriend did say is that you have been through all of that and your still smiling. You had surgeries and you healed. Even though you foot was hurting at the party you walked around with a smile on your face. You are still living. Then she provided me with a scenario of someone with cancer who has had a mastectomy, a breast implant and for them to learn that they have cancer again. Even though I am scared about having another surgery or even being in the hospital I will OK. I will go through the pain but will heal and be back on my feet again.

I am thankful that we spoke. Still unsure of what will happen but peace surrounds me, for this too shall pass. In this I can still move, use my limbs, most of all worship God. That will never cease. I don’t know what my future holds but I do know who holds my future. That alone is settling.

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