Faith, Life

Do Not Conform

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It is time that you stop trying to conform. I did not create you so that you could assimilate into what you see in the world. Allow my spirit to transform you into the image that I created for you.

You are different. You are unique. You are not like any other. You are precious. You are enough. You have a purpose. You have a gift. I’ve given you specific talents. There is only one you. Embrace how I created you.  

I have been purging you from who you think you should be and who you have tried to become. Instead of running away from what I am doing run towards me and allow my spirit to guide. With my spirit leading you, you will be transformed into my likeness. Don’t be afraid of the change and don’t hold onto the old you. Be free, trust me, watch and see the new thing that I will do in you.

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Faith, Life, Music, Wellness

Let The Healing Begin

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Your healing starts from on the inside. This is what I was reminded of this morning as many thoughts invaded my mind. Thoughts of the past, thoughts of being hurt by others, not intentionally but none the less hurt. These feelings of being hurt have been suppressed for many years, so why drudge them up now. They are in the past so they should be forgotten. You see those hurts will not be healed if they continue to lay dormant in my soul. “For what is not healed is passed down.”

As I began on this journey of being transformed so that I can be all the Creator wants me to be, I realize that He is not going to leave any stone unturned and in order for me to have wholeness. This is not the first time that my hurts, habits and hangups have been brought to me, but it is the first time that I am willing to see it for what it is, and that is to deal with it. I have blocked so many things from my mind because of the pain it has cost me, but this pain seems to be seeping in and through my body now.

The Father says “Enough is enough, you shall not hold onto these things any more for it is killing you in body,” that to me means on the inside I must be slowly dying. He says “As I bring these things into the light allow my love to restore you.”

We are all fighting battles. For me it is physical, emotional, sexual, and spiritual. I have fought battles most of my life a lot of emotional and physical ones. Now I am fighting differently. You see now I choose to live. Not just coast along life but truly live, make a difference, live with intention and with a purpose. I am facing my battle head on, I will run no more not unless I am running into my Saviour’s arms. It’s scary as heck, but must be done. The Lord requires me to be whole and so with that I take up my cross ( all my hurts, hangups and habits) and I forge forward. We only have one life and it makes no sense to waste it. We do not plan when we arrive or when we leave this life, but the in between is what matters the most. We are not our own. We were bought with a price. It isn’t about us. No you see it is about others. The ones that you can speak life into by being yourself, the ones that you can impact and impart life to. You are here to make a difference and you can’t do that if your soul suffering.

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The best thing that I ever did for myself was allow Jesus to start the process of bringing healing into my life. My story is not the same as yours. I am no longer willing to be ashamed of my story for right before my eyes He is allowing me to re-write my story. My story is not my past but my past is a part of my story.  So that is what I am doing, in my brokenness I am allowing my Heavenly Father to take all of me and make it into who he created me to be, that’s where All Me For Him comes in. I shall no longer want to live in darkness, I am allowing his light to shine in and through me. This is not an easy place for me to be but it is a place that I need to be. Wont you allow Him to re-write your story.

 

 

Faith, Life, Music

God Speaking

During the week of August 7, I saw how God was moving in my life. I saw Him drawing people to me and me to them. This usually is not the norm for me. But I was on a mission. I would ask and He would answer by presenting people to me to help me along the way. I’ll share with you what happened last week. I had set a date to meet up with someone for coffee. I’m not a big coffee drinker. As I was driving I was listening to music on my iPod. Sometimes the radio is too much for me. To tell you the truth alone time in my car allows me to connect with God through prayer and worship. So I’m driving doing my thing and this song comes on. It doesn’t sound familiar but it immediately grabs my attention. For the rest of the car ride this song is on repeat. It brought tears to my eyes. Take a listen then continue.

 

You see God was speaking to me. Let me continue to explain.

So I arrived at the location early and found us some seats. Seeing that I hadn’t been to this coffee shop before I went to look at the menu. I needed to make sure that Green tea was on the menu. A few minutes later she arrived.  We both ordered and sat down. Let me give you some back drop on how this day all came about.

I was introduced to her back in June because I was inquiring about a missions trip. She began to give me some info and said that she was going back at the end of June for 3 weeks. We then became Facebook friends. When she got back we messaged on Facebook and I told her that I would love to hear about how her trip went. We saw each other a few times in church making small talk. One day I mentioned to hear that I was writing my story and she asked if she could read it. I said sure. At the time I didn’t think much into it. So we set a date and time to meet up. It is not to often that I share with someone who I am not very close to. I am guarded in that way but I felt that it was safe share with her.

Our conversation started when I asked her about the very first mission trip that she took. She had returned in late July. Just listening to how God was moving in her life gave me hope about my situation. At some point in our conversation there was an awkward silence and that’s when I handed her the piece of paper with “My Story”. I just asked her to read it. I was facing my fear. I was doing something that I thought I couldn’t. I will admit that at first I was apprehensive. But the prompting I got to do this was strong. I didn’t understand the WHY but did it anyway. Thoughts of what will she say or even think started playing in my mind. I quickly shut them out. As she read I watched her facial expressions. It looked like tears were welling up in her eyes. She paused looked up at me and said “your story resonates with me.” I was shocked. You see although I didn’t know the WHY God did. She finished reading and said that I had a powerful story. She shared a bit of what she was going through and had gone through. It was such a good afternoon. Although we didn’t know each other well God connected us on that day.

I was able to share my story with this person. I am hoping to share this same story within my blog one day.

I thought I would share some of the Lyrics from the song;

Have you ever cried a tear
That you could not explain?
Have you ever met a stranger
Who already knew your name?
What if it’s Him? What if it’s God speaking?

Who knows how He’ll get a hold of us?
Get our attention to prove He’s enough
He’ll do and He’ll use whatever he wants to
To tell us ‘I love you’

His ways are higher, His ways are best

Though sometimes strange

What could be stranger than God in a manger?

Who knows how He’ll get a hold of us?
Get our attention to prove He’s enough?
Who knows how He’ll get a hold of you?
Get your attention to prove He’s enough?
He’ll do and He’ll use whatever He wants to
To tell us ‘I love you’

God is speaking, ‘I love you’

Diet, Faith, Life, Wellness

Uncomfortable In My Own Skin

For years I have struggled with my weight. Just being uncomfortable about how I looked. I wasn’t the healthiest person either. I started out losing 10 pounds the year my cousin died, wish I could remember the year. Oh well. I felt really good in my body. I was exercising and eating healthier. Although I was happy with the way I was looking on the outside something was missing on the inside. I continued to lose weight until I was down by 10lbs.

Needless to say the weight came piling back within a year and it was that same 10lbs that I had lost. This weight gain and lose continued for many more years. Some of it emotional  weight gain. But thats another story in itself.

Once again I would find another program, lose the weight, feel good about how I looked but still feeling empty on the inside.

One year I joined a womens gym. I was so excited. I got a personal trainer and a nutritionist. Theses ladies were fantastic. The nutrition coach put me on an eating plan that was structured just for me. It started out rocky but a finally got into the swing of my new eating plan. This time I was determined to lose the weight and keep it off. I began seeing the results and felt a little bit more confident in myself and my abilities. My  body was getting stronger once again and I could feel it.  Wasn’t feeling flabby and I must say I was looking good also. My trainers were doing a great job and once again the weight started to come off again.

Around two years later something happened medically and I started to put the weight back on again. This continued to happen. My weight became like a yo-yo. It was a back and forth struggle with weight gain and weight loss. Sometimes I would go drastic but the end result was always similar. Feeling good in how I looked but not within. I’ve made many lifestyle changes but it’s just within the last year that once again I started to notice my weight and became unsatisfied with how I looked. My clothes were becoming an issue. The issue of being to tight which made me sick.  

I needed to figure out what I was missing. I wasn’t happy when I lost the weight and even more miserable when the weight came back on. It finally hit me one day as I looked in the mirror. I didn’t love myself. That is what I was missing all those years that I was trying to lose weight. The change didn’t need to happen on the outside but on the inside. I didn’t like my character, or who was staring back at me in the mirror. So I turned to my Heavenly Father and began to seek Him and having a better relationship with Him. I began to speak to Him on how I was feeling on the inside. He began to speak life into my soul.  So for now I just walk, do some stretches and try and eat healthier every day. I still struggle with my weight but I am feeling better about who am I and whose I am. He reminds me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. So as I begin this journey  again but this time I am in the right frame of mind and soul. For where my Father leads that is where I will go, being comfortable in my own skin.